la folie douce

Skiing wouldn't be skiing without a heavy dose of après-ski.

After a hard day shredding the mountain, the only thing you want is a cold beer. Am I right?

Après is an integral part of any mountain dwellers life. It's the golden hour - when the sun is setting before dinner - to indulge in a few well deserved beverages with friends.

You will soon realise there are a number of characters that crop up in après bars time and again.

If you're a seasonaire or even just been on a ski holiday before, you'll definitely recognise a few of these regulars...

FELICITY JONES as Kim in a scene from Chalet Girl, released on 16th March 2011.

They've just spent six day scrubbing toilets and pandering to demanding guests. It's their one day off of the week. What are they going to do?

Shred their legs off and then proceed to get absolutely trolleyed. They will often be found dancing on the bar in ski boots wearing a neon headband and ripped trousers.

Either that - or they will be the ones unexpectedly shouting "Shit!" and running out the door without looking back - because they've forgotten they've left a cake in the oven.

Ski Instructor

He's fit but my god, doesn't he know it?

Yes, the wise words of The Streets spring to mind when we think about the ski instructor.

He's usually tall, European with a coffee-coloured tan. He wears sunglasses inside and spends most of his time wooing local women.

Come 6pm, he will be dancing around the bar topless to 'I'm Sexy And I Know It' while showing off his (admittedly) perfectly toned abs.

The Inbetweeners Movie

Now, these ones are easy to spot.

They will usually be wearing a fancy dress costume - whether it's a banana suit or a pink tutu, we've seen them all.

They will also be the ones ordering lines of shots at 4pm before promptly puking on the piste.

If you find one of these members while sober, you will find he is a actually a nice guy from Wolverhampton who's missing his girlfriend.

Parents

They've just finished a hard day's skiing and they are looking for a quiet shandy on the sun terrace.

As soon as they order their drinks, the DJ hits the decks, techno music starts blasting and hoards of seasonaires descend on the bar.

They will try and maintain polite conversation before pausing to stare in horror at the scene before them. How can one man consume that much liquid?

A swift exit will follow.

Snowboarding Bum Seasonaire

He's been doing seasons since before you were born. He knows everyone in the bar.

He hasn't bought new ski gear since 1998 and no one is quite sure how he's still making a living.

He will proceed to tell you about the "gnarly line I hiked up today" before moving on to bore the next person with the same story.

He is, however, an unbelievably good skier. Don't doubt that.

Tramp

He lingers in the background, sipping a beer, speaking to no one. Why is here?

He looks a bit like a tramp. However, rumour has it, he's a billionaire who owns the all the ski lifts in the resort.

He's also said to spend his evenings stealing other people's drinks in bars.

BAR MAN

Unlike the ski instructor, the French barman does not win over women with his good looks and suave charm.

He tries to make cheesy jokes, but you can't quite understand what he's saying. He will try and grind with you on the dance floor, make no mistake.

Just don't try and jump over his bar. That's a one-way ticket to a season-long ban.