Nothing can wreck a dream day on the mountain like a fresh dose of injury, but in the spirit of looking at the lighter side of life, we got six pros to talk us through their weird, and not always wonderful, worlds of pain.
Photography by: Matt Walder Make-up by: Christel Thoresen
What’s the best thing about getting injured? “you can meet some hot doctors, you just have to hope you don’t have your granny pants on and have shaved your legs."
What’s the funniest injury you’ve ever had? “When I smashed my face up at the roxy comp. It looked bad but funny and with all the bruising and grazes I think a lot of randoms thought I was a beaten wife."
What’s the most unusual injury you’ve ever had? “When I was a kid I got a bead stuck in my ear and had to go to hospital to get it taken out."
What’s your swell-reducing item of choice? “Those amazing ones that physios have where the water is constantly flowing through. or snow, an ice pack or peas."
What’s your favourite painkiller? “Ibuprofen, but at the hospital that morphine is pretty damn good."
What’s the best casualty experience you’ve ever had? “I broke both the bones in my left arm on a dry slope and the ambulance came, and they gave me morphine. That stuff is truly amazing. The doctor said not to worry if you react a bit weirdly but by the time I reached the hospital I’d asked the ambulance man if he enjoyed having sex and had he seen my new thong. Some people get aggressive, and I got randy."
What’s the best thing about being injured? “So right now I’ve snapped my arm in half and there are many positive sides including loads of great prescription drugs and you can’t do the washing up. I guess it’s a valid excuse to be lazy if you’re into that and my arm now does a good Emu impression."
What’s the funniest injury you’ve ever had? “A haematoma in my ass the size of a tennis ball, it was all wobbly fluidfilled bruises. Pretty entertaining."
What’s the most unusual injury you’ve ever seen? “A friend burnt her face off this winter, which was different."
What’s your swell-reducing item of choice? “Frozen squid rings, and they’re yummy."
And your favourite painkiller? “Laughing gas, morphine and adrenaline."
What do you do more of when injured? “This season I’ve been walking lots up random hills in New Zealand, plus chasing sheep and cruising the supermarket."
What’s the best casualty experience you’ve ever had? “Not me, but I’ve heard in Iceland if you injure yourself they put you on an iceberg and fl oat you away so they can’t hear you moaning."
Are you squeamish? “Love ketchup but not so keen on real blood."
Next: Sonia Shaw & Lesley McKenna>>Sonia Shaw
What’s the best thing about getting injured? “All the attention I get from my boyfriend, I always milk it to the max."
What’s the funniest injury you’ve ever had? “In Snow Park, New Zealand, Shaun White was fi lming and had all his crew around. They were sessioning a box and it looked tempting, so I went for the longest frontside board slide attempt ever. Half way along I caught a toe edge and slammed. Thinking I’d hurt my shoulder I started to walk away rubbing it, but then felt a large breeze through my pants. They’d totally split open to reveal the kind of pants you save for the end of the week."
What’s the most unusual injury you’ve ever had? “Breaking my back after mixing a freshly waxed board and a rainbow rail. I did a type of WWF body slam manoeuvre where my body came over my sunken head and then flipped back."
What’s your swell-reducing item of choice? “The hot/cold packs that you can stick in the microwave or the freezer."
What’s your painkiller of choice? “depending on the injury it could be a good old French remedy of morphine or the healing hand of mr H."
What do you do more of when injured? “I come back to England and spend time with the people I don’t get to see all the time. Ski resorts are too tempting to bring out the devil in you when you’re injured."
Are you squeamish? “Not with blood or deep cuts, but pretty bad with needles. Tiny little buggers."
What’s the best thing about being injured? “I have time to catch my breath. I have a breathing condition the whole time except when I’m injured. I also have time to do things like get my legs waxed, nails done, eyelashes done, and all the other beauty treatments I never get time to do."
What’s the most unusual injury you’ve ever had? “I once got pushed through a fence at the British champs in the BoarderX and got stabbed by the fence. Not what you expect when you’re snowboarding. I had a pretty bad cut as well, where you never want to have a cut."
What’s your swell-reducing item of choice? “Arnica works a treat."
And your favourite painkiller? “Arnica again, though I do take the occasional Ibuprofen."
What’s the strangest casualty experience you’ve ever had? “When I broke my jaw in Austria there were no beds for me in the ward so I had to lie in the corridor. This would’ve been fi ne except for the bunch of builders drilling the walls. I was totally whacked on morphine listening to the drilling with dust fl ying around me. I felt like they were drilling into my head."
Are you squeamish? “I’m not squeamish about my own injuries but I am about other people’s. But if you’re fi rst there and have to deal with it then you just deal with it. It’s always good to have done a fi rst aid course though, as you may have to save your friends’ lives."
Next: Gilly Seagrave & Jo Chastney>>Gilly Seagrave
What’s the best thing about being injured? “you get to watch all the fi lms and series’ that you downloaded to bring to the mountains, but never have time to watch when you’re fi t and healthy."
What’s the funniest injury you’ve ever had? “A few days ago I was at the pool messing around doing handstands, when I forgot about gravity and put my arms back by my sides without pushing myself back up. Needless to say I smashed my nose on the bottom so hard."
What’s the most unusual injury you’ve ever had? “I’ve only had the usual stuff, such as a shoulder break, smacked head and injured back. But my sister sliced her fi nger on her board’s edge once and lost loads of blood. She needed stitches too, crazy!"
What is your swell-reducing item of choice? “I like a bag of peas meself."
And your favourite painkiller? “Ibuprofen, and tiger balm for sore stuff, especially a sore head."
What’s the best casualty experience you’ve ever had? “Being looked after by michi Albin’s mum in St moritz hospital. I smacked my head at the roxy Jam and when I woke up she was my nurse, and looked after me really well."
Are you squeamish? “Yes, I can’t even watch the surgery scenes of Nip/Tuck. I don’t like anything to do with fl esh, I think that’s why I’m veggie."
What’s the best thing about getting injured? “Getting loads of sympathy is awesome, especially if it’s bad and you play it down. Never play it up, as no one likes a wimp. Being able to get drunk and not having to get up in the morning is cool too."
What’s the funniest injury you’ve ever had? “I’ve broken my coccyx, which was not funny for me but it was for everyone around me, as I couldn’t sit down, lie down or pretty much do anything."
What’s the most unusual injury you’ve ever had? “I had an ear bleed once, after landing on the side of my head when I had earphones in. It was weird and slightly worrying."
What’s your swell-reducing item of choice? “Peas always. I love to eat them so they’re always in the freezer, and they’re super-good as they mould to the injury."
What’s your painkiller of choice? “I don’t usually take painkillers unless the doctor says so. maybe because I can’t drink alcohol on painkillers and I’d rather drink to numb the pain. The more pain, the stronger the drink."
What do you do more of when injured? “I’ve recently become a coordinator on myspace and facebook. I’m a master of Wii. I have a killer tan. I can do some basic drum rhythms. I know all the words to the Little mermaid. I can drink more than anyone and still walk in a straight line, sort of."