“Oh my god did you see that, I just human beatboxed that spider off my plate!”
Jason, 36, England, skilled.

“Surfing and all that, it’s all nice and fun and stuff, but you’re missing out on the real thing. The real thing happens on the other side, in the jungle. There are rocks, and these rocks are actually palaces, but we see them as rocks, and they are guarded by spirits, and if you flash your torch inside the palaces, you can see black holes, black holes on earth. There’s another world out there, it’s Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings in the Sri Lankan jungle. I know because the shaman told me, the shaman who is now my friend but who once killed me. He taught me to see with my ears.”
Anselm, 40, Germany, used to drop a lot of acid. No sh*t.

“I don’t know what to do today, I find it so hard to make a decision. Should I go to the hammock and read my book, or should I just sit here and do nothing? Maybe I’ll just sit here and do nothing.”
Chris, 30, Switzerland, still sitting somewhere.

“I got so scared on my first night here. I went for a piss at night and there was something in the toilet and I thought it was poo. But then the poo jumped at me and I started screaming. And then I realized it was a frog.”
Zack, 25, England, two meters tall, one meter fifty wide and really hairy.

“I was in my cabana sleeping in the middle of the night and I woke up because I could feel something. There was this dude in my room going through my stuff. I shouted at him to get out because I wanted to go back to sleep but I had to chase him down the street because he’d stolen my favorite t-shirt*, the stamp collector one. That made me so angry. I love that shirt.”
Angelo, 23, Byron Bay, Australia, Arugam Bay’s sickest surfer.
* The thief turned out to be one of the boys who works at Angelo’s guest house. Angelo moved out soon after that. The t-shirt was found in the street, much to his owner’s delight.

“Did you see how good I was this morning at Main Point? I was so good. Well that was nothing, that was my back hand. Imagine how good I was this morning and multiply it by a hundred, that’s how good I am when I surf regular”
Max, 25, Israel, humble.

“I don’t know why it keeps happening to me, I just can’t believe that it’s a coincidence. The first time it happened, I was surfing Baby Point and the fishing boat came straight at me, the fishermen on board were all laughing and their mates on the beach were cheering so I threw my board in front of me to protect myself and it got caught in the propeller. I had to get it fixed as it ended up badly damaged. A few days later I was surfing Pottuvil Point when another fishing boat nearly hit me.”
Sarah, 29, England, lucky to be alive. Surfs in a bikini.

“Oh man I’ve just stepped on thorns for the 8th time today, it f*cking hurts”
Victor, 24, Brazil, holding his flip-flops in his hands.

“People always ask me if I’m a Bra boy. I’m more of a bra and panties boy myself.”
Marc, 50-something, Marubra Beach, Australia.

“Telling a Sri Lankan not to drop in on you is like telling an Israeli not to be unpopular.”
Jason, 36, British, damn right.