Lou Boyd:

“Not liking beards might be an unpopular opinion. Living in East London, I can’t turn a corner without seeing some manner of face fuzz in front of me.

Beards are all over my magazine pages, on my favourite bands and growing out the faces of all my male friends. Still, I just cannot get on board with the grizzly look.

Maybe it’s a matter of environment and I’m just not into the bearded Londonian.

Is kissing a bearded man fun? It strikes me as a bit itchy and spongy. I imagine that it can’t always smell like roses

I don’t get the lumberjack man sipping a flat white in a Hoxton coffee house. It’s like when you realise that all rough and ready Hollywood action men are most likely doing Pilates every morning and living a strict no carb lifestyle.

It’s all about the look, it just doesn’t strike as true.

Admittedly, I’ve never been much into the macho man. All past and present flings have always tended to be with sarcastic, skinny indie boys who are more likely to raise an eyebrow than a wood axe.

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But you see, that makes sense. London is the home of the dandy. If I came across some kind of bearded adventure man on a forest hike, perhaps I could be convinced.

Apart from having a problem with the beard as a fashion statement however, my biggest issue with the bearded man face is that it just looks… a bit gross.

Is kissing a bearded man fun? It strikes me as a bit itchy and spongy. I imagine that it can’t always smell like roses.

His beard contains scraps of food dropped there while he ate, including tinned sardines, stilton cheese and corn flakes

When I see a full beard I’m always reminded of my favourite Roald Dahl book, The Twits. “His beard contains scraps of food dropped there while he ate, including tinned sardines, stilton cheese and corn flakes.”

Why would you want the risk of catching a bit of someone’s breakfast when you kiss?

Don’t try and tell me that beards are clean either. According to a study, a beard is a sign of a good immune system because he can stay healthy despite all the germs gathering around his mouth. Beards are dirty. It’s science.

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I know that many of you will still argue that a beard is manly and attractive, but I say there are many manly features that don’t carry pieces of food around with them and clog up my bathroom sink.

A deep voice and big shoulders? Give me that guy. I’ll take his two day stubble any day of the week. You can keep your yeti, thanks very much.”