*that the royal family won’t use for the third in line for the throne

While we’re pleased the royal baby has been born healthy and we’re kinda amused to watch the whole country/world wee their pants over it, we don’t really care that much. One thing that would make us give a rat’s though would be if they gave it a hippy surfer name rather than calling it James or Edward or Henry or Charles or oh god sorry I just slipped into a coma. Yo royal people here are our suggestions of the best surfer boy names!

1. Prince John John Florence

So good his parents named him twice. Take a trad name and double it to make it rad. See also Prince George George or Prince Edward Edward.

2. Prince Taj Burrow

Pilfering India for its crown jewels? Never stopped the Brits before (she says using the third person in the hope of creating some distance between her and the ethically dubious country of her birth).

3. Prince Kelly Slater

Surfing’s own prince charming or something. King Kelly would get you points for alliteration at least, should you need them the next time you’re playing the royal surfer boy baby name game.

4. Prince Jordy Smith

Jordy sounds too much like Geordie, which is what a person from Newcastle is known as. The royals are far too home counties for that.

5. Prince Kai Otton

Already snapped up by the Rooneys, their biggest rivals for the gossip tat mag centre spread. Nuff said.

6. Prince Nat Young

Can’t think of any good reason to hate on Prince Nat and we’re getting tired so maybe that should just be that.

Want more of our royal baby non-coverage? Read this piece where we talk about the coolest mama pro surfers, snowboarders and skaters who have done heaps more inspirational shizzle than just marrying a prince